God damnit.

Driving along the toll motorway and Will says ‘got your passport?’ ‘oh…shit’ I say. After frantically searching both of our hand luggage bags to no avail, I get panicky. So I’m crying my eyes out whilst driving thinking I’m going to miss my flight and end up stranded in Spain (the fact Will’s mum lives 45 minutes from the airport didn’t seem to enter my mind).

After paying at the toll booth, a Guardia officer was directing people to the edge of the road. So obviously I start panicking incase he asks to see our documents. I HAVE NO PASSPORT! I pull in and he starts blurting Spanish all over the place. “English?” I say, and he switches to perfect english. It turns out he’s breathalizing people. I’ve not even had a drink but I’m irrationally worried. I had to open my own plastic mouth blowy thing and put it on the machine. Turns out I wasn’t drunk! But then I drove off (with my plastic mouth piece as a souvenir) and the realisation that I still didn’t have a passport set in again.

There was no hard shoulder to pull into on the way to the airport, so in the car rental car park I turn over the contents of my suitcase in the hope I’ve put it in one of my handbags. Nothing. I’m still crying my eyes out. Will then randomly checks the front pocket of his suitcase. He found it. I cried even more with relief.

No longer a potential Spanish futative, Will and I checked the departure boards.

Manchester ***departure 23:50***

We’re supposed to fly at 19:50. A four fucking hour delay. Monarchs excuse:

“The plane is late because it set off late”

No shit Sherlock.

What would be the need for a question mark candle??

‘I forgot how old you were so I just bought a question mark and put it in your cake..’

Would ordinary plain candles not have the same less embarrassing effect?

I have a degree in psychology and I work in a pub, and I can’t even remember 90% of the stuff I learnt so I can’t even pretend I’m doing some form of psychological analysis of drinking culture, pah.

I live with my parents. Self explanatory.

I have no hobbies, apart from knitting and watching TV.

Some one sort me out with loads of money so I can go and do a masters in neuroscience so I can become an awesome brain surgeon one day.

WTF? You fucking weirdo. Stop feeding wild animals and get a cat or something.

I really like foam bananas. They’re amazing. Fake banana flavouring? YES PLEASE. Tesco bananas smell like awesome foam bananas, but they taste like, I dunno…gelatine ? What does that taste like? OMG I just read the pack and it’s Pork geletine, and it has APPLE concentrate in it. Where are the bananas? Where are the fake bananasssss???

It says ‘no artificial flavours’, which is the essence of foam bananas. So if you like foam bananas, don’t buy Tesco bananas.

Ohh..now I’ve just spilt the pack everywhere….BANANARAMA!!

I’ll need to get firsts in all my exams to get a first overall, and seeing as counselling is a pile of fucking balls that had pretty much no teaching, it’s not going to happen.

So gutted. I barely want to try anymore. This is SHIT.

I really don’t get, also, why the man on the check out in Tesco can’t comprehend the fact that if you have a horizontally packaged lasagne; you don’t pack it vertically. I’ve told him twice before, and today I was not in the mood. I gave him my tone of voice, and asked ‘Can you not do that’ (doesn’t sound too menacing but it’s all in the tone), and when he asked me if I had a club card I said ‘No’ as if in someway I was getting back at him. I wasn’t going to inconvenience myself finding my club card just because he asked me. Dick.

So I’m home now, and I’ve eaten way too many Kettle chips, I feel so freaking sick. Blerh.

That’s why it sucks being a girl. Or moreso just having hormones will do it.

Packs of LEMON only French Fancies.

What the fuck Mr. Kipling.

I mean seriously. Why would anyone want this. Fair enough all PINK or CHOCOLATE packs but LEMON?!?! I can’t even think of anyone who would want to buy this, I mean who likes lemon French Fancies…apart from my dad, but to be fair he likes the pink and chocolate ones too, I doubt he’d want six lemon ones. Variety is the spice of life.

On another note a bar has opened in The Printworks called Illusions, it plays cool music, has a cool vibe, and has MAGICIANS. Went on Friday night (Last night?) with Will, Jonny, and Becky, I think Jonny had a stroke when the magician swallowed a balloon. It was pretty much us and the staff cause it was getting late, it was like a private show. Wicked. Cheered me up – sad ’cause I was tired and grumpy after napping (minor fml there).